Crunk Ain't Dead.... but I wish it were.

"Do your pants hang low
do they sag to and fro
do you never use a belt
do you always let it show
does yo momma tell you boy
you're boxers are just not cool
do your pants, hang, low."

I am in love with the idea that you dress the way you wish to be perceived. If you want to be known as a rocker, you dress up in leather, band shirts, tight torn jeans, and perhaps sport a mohawk. If you want to seem like a hard core street thug, you wear chains, sport team caps, and extremely overlarge t-shirts. I like to think that these things were considered practical at some point, but that point is looong past. Today's topic takes you into the deep dark chasms. A place where every man goes to watch his testosterone die. Fashion.

There's a point...

The fashions of the time are always a staple when it comes to embarrassing conversations with the kids. Ever had that talk to your mom about her neon leg warmers? Maybe you should, lots of laughs ensue. I think that there are some things that we will be very upset with saying, but there are some, like yoga pants, that we will be proud to say we started. We knew what we were doing and what not. Women are probably going to make their kids cringe, while guys are going to look relatively the same as they are older.

No promises for this guy though.

So below I shall give you an example of an embarrassing outfit for each culture that we have. This is going to be fun...

Male Hipster: Not the crossed arms, the tattooed arm, the black glasses and the way too low v-neck. The best accent for this outfit though, is the "I'm too cool to talk to you look." He can probably be found smoking a cigarette in his city "Occupying" it.

Female Hipster: Tattoo, revealing clothing, dyed hair, vintage shirt and pants, daddy issues.

Male Urban (Three Six Mafia): Oversized clothing, a look of pure anger even without cause. Shiny things and nice sneakers. Will look like they were hit with a shrink ray before getting dressed.

Female Urban (Nikki Minaj): Fake hair, tattoos possible, revealing clothing, oversized glasses. Basically the type of girl who shows a large amount of authority and flash.

Female Prep (Paris Hilton/ Barbie): Waaay too skinny, oversized glasses, monstrous expense rate. whistling noises when you blow in their ear. Also very tan and known for the party scene.

Male Prep (Affliction): Think they are extremely hard core. Fake tans, drink excessively, somehow manages to reproduce. You cut them, they bleed gel.




DISCLAIMER: Exceptions to the rule are always known. Any arguments you have on it can be taken up with your future kids. I for one will be pointing and laughing at what I was wearing for sure. Hell, I already do when I look at my highschool photos.

The Real Housewives of Jersey Shore's Big Flavor of Love

I try my very best to write about things that perhaps somewhere deep down I can find some sort of reason as to why it's popular. This next topic though, boggles my mind. When you sit down on your couch after a long day and want nothing more than to be entertained, what is it that you look for? Cartoons are normally a pretty good choice in what to watch. Sports are an excellent thing to get obsessed about to forget your daily grind. Now while these are rather entertaining and understandable, I wonder... Where the hell did these reality shows come from and what the hell makes them so addictive to people?

 

"Let's see what's on Tv that will make my brains leak from my nose."

The reality Tv show genre became large thanks to a fun show called Survivor. Basically, we take people from the states, and drop them in a place where there is no running water, no electricity, no safety from bugs, and no way of escape. You know, Kenya or something. The show gained huge amounts of success watching these people trying to acclimate to the harsh environment, battling each other in order to win 1000000 dollars that Kenya would have much rather have. 

First World Problems comes to mind here.

 

Ok, Survivor had danger and stakes and intense moments where people were actually getting hurt. It makes sense that that was made pop culture. I'm sure the question that we will be asked when we are older is just how did JERSEY FREAKING SHORE become popular?

If I wanted to watch over tan people yell at each other, I'd go to the beach parking lot. The intellectual capacity of all the cast together doesn't even scratch the surface of the child that will be asking you about it. Watching this show is like watching a couple of drunks on the side of the road that enjoy peeing on each other. Snooki..... Just let that roll on your tongue for a second... Snooki and The Situation. You know what, I'm putting this to bed, point made, I win.

They have your money though so they win...

 

 

My point is simple. Reality shows takes things like Teen Pregnancies and being trapped in a house with other people like some glorified battle that needs to be told to the world. How bout instead of giving these stupid people our money, let's watch documentaries of ACTUAL people who have amazing stories. Ever seen a reality show of a homeless shelter helping people? No. Seen a show that has a girl getting a party that could put the academy awards a run for it's money? You know it. I weep for the future of television.

On a plus note, because I love you all.

because it is the internet.