You're a Jerk. And you look it too.

If you remember highschool dances, you remember that there are a slew of different skills based on where you live and who went to your high school. You have the ones who seem to take hip hop classes constantly, twerking and jerking so much that you think that the dude is about to hurt someone really badly. They may even get enough space to do a little break dancing, flipping around and spinning upon the floor like the end of inception.

Then we get those guys who try reeeeeally hard and want to do the dances that are going on, but end up making things awkward and embarrassing for everyone. They turn the 2 step into the 18 step, twitching and stomping around as if they were incapable of holding a rhythm if there was a drum beside their head being slammed against it. I like to call these people.... seizures. 

Now Seizures were constantly getting beat on by their other counterparts, laughed at and forced to stand alone flailing to the music with their Seizure dates. But wait! Hope came on the horizon!

Because everyone needs a hero.

Ah yes, the Soulja boy "Superman" craze. In 2006 or so, his little youtube dance exploded into the market. Every single dorm room guy and girl wanting to score some cool points were learning this song. No one could really mess it up. The moves were so simple and catchy and ridiculous, that it became the electric slide of the generation. Of course, the boy is forever a one hit wonder.

Now throughout the generations there have been variations of dance, the electric slide, the twist, the hanging ten and what not. Each have their own levels of embarrassment to the generation, but those moves were rather simple and calm compared to the spazzy stuff we've come up with ours.

Your kids will be so proud that you will still be able to do this

So this one may have been annoying and probably the most iconic of the dances, it wasn't exactly the first. 

We have the Lean With It, where you twist your self and snap... Trying to look tough doing that or even remotely cool is something of a challenge... 

We have the Crank that EVERYTHING. Spiderman, Yank, Forrest Gump, Spongebob, you name it we got it!

Crank that Scooby Doo wasn't bad I guess.

My own personal favorite dances was the 2 step, you hop side to side crossing your legs. Should be called the Hopscotch, but that just wouldn't be "Hood" enough. 

Another rather fun dance that will be remembered will be "The Jerk" Or as I like to call it, the "Backwards Running man" It involves a rather catchy and annoying song to go with it, and a rather strange assortment of skin tight pants. 

Thought I was kidding... didn't you.

Alright, so I know that many of these dances will probably fade into the distance and you won't have to atone for the sin that is this form of music, but I'm sure that if those songs come on and you start dancing, your kids will move out all that much quicker. Oh and to leave you off on a good note, have fun explaining this guy to your kids

Fairies Glitter, Not Vampires.

So what are you afraid of? Spiders? Snakes? Dinosaurs? Clowns? The lint in your belly button? Perhaps you are afraid of Vampires. Maybe you watch the movies and quiver at the thought of someone feeding on your until you are dead and gone. Perhaps the thought of being taken away and held down to be feasted upon is something that sends chills to your very bone. The kinds of monsters that you would want Blade, Buffy, or even David Tennant to destroy every last one of. Though someone like Blade would quiver at the sight of seeing the Vampires that I'm going to speak of. Buffy would cry to her mother. David Tennant, well let's just say even the Doctor wouldn't be able to handle his girlish screams at the sight of the blood thirsty... The monstrous... The Deadly... EDWARD CULLEN!!

Rawr.

Of all the silly things that pop culture shoves down our throats, this has got to be the worst of it. Twilight is easily the most embarrassing thing I can think of when it comes to fandom and ridiculousness. Now I haven't read the books, so I will not comment on them. For all I know, the books are great and special and blah blah blah, but I did stomach the first movie for you guys. For that, you owe me. 

Quick synopsis for you. In fact, I'll sum up the entire movie right now.

Bella: I love you

Ed: I love you t-

Bella: I love you!

Ed: I... uh I love you to-

Bella: I LOVE YOU

Ed: I lo-

Bella: IloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyou

Ed: -brooding face-

Bella: -blank I think I just messed my pants face- 

Seriously. Since I do not wish to bore you with just how terrible the actual movie is, I will tell you exactly what we are going to look back on this and deny deny deny. 

Firstly, Glittery Vampires. They will not catch on. When our kids ask about that we are going to laugh. There will never be a question about what happens to vampires in sunlight. They. Burst. Into. Flames. We all know this as a normal part of the mythology. You will never catch me saying to my kids "You know what... Back in my day they did the Vampires right. They wouldn't burst into gory flames like today oh no... They sparkled like broadway on the fourth of July! Now those were the days!" Nope. Never going to say that. 

Next, when you pick a team, you would hope for the side that will win. During the Twilight: New Moon opening and up to the next movie, there was a phenomenon that we all know about now as being shun worthy. I'm talking about the "Team Edward" and the "Team Jacob." Apparently, Bella was supposed to choose one or the other to fall in love with and annoy the hell out of that guy and not the other. This would be fine and dandy if you know the next book hadn't already been out and told who won. It's like watching a rerun on a browns game and betting money they would win. 

Spoiler Alert! He loses.

We should just realize that this is one of those fads that we will look back on and grin and smile. Anyone who was part of this fad will probably not be very interested in pulling out their old Edward Cullen key chains and their Bella "I just crapped my pants face" lunch boxes. So maybe we should just be happy that one day, it will be over and we can go back to obsessing over Harry Potter 24/7.