Fairies Glitter, Not Vampires.

So what are you afraid of? Spiders? Snakes? Dinosaurs? Clowns? The lint in your belly button? Perhaps you are afraid of Vampires. Maybe you watch the movies and quiver at the thought of someone feeding on your until you are dead and gone. Perhaps the thought of being taken away and held down to be feasted upon is something that sends chills to your very bone. The kinds of monsters that you would want Blade, Buffy, or even David Tennant to destroy every last one of. Though someone like Blade would quiver at the sight of seeing the Vampires that I'm going to speak of. Buffy would cry to her mother. David Tennant, well let's just say even the Doctor wouldn't be able to handle his girlish screams at the sight of the blood thirsty... The monstrous... The Deadly... EDWARD CULLEN!!

Rawr.

Of all the silly things that pop culture shoves down our throats, this has got to be the worst of it. Twilight is easily the most embarrassing thing I can think of when it comes to fandom and ridiculousness. Now I haven't read the books, so I will not comment on them. For all I know, the books are great and special and blah blah blah, but I did stomach the first movie for you guys. For that, you owe me. 

Quick synopsis for you. In fact, I'll sum up the entire movie right now.

Bella: I love you

Ed: I love you t-

Bella: I love you!

Ed: I... uh I love you to-

Bella: I LOVE YOU

Ed: I lo-

Bella: IloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyou

Ed: -brooding face-

Bella: -blank I think I just messed my pants face- 

Seriously. Since I do not wish to bore you with just how terrible the actual movie is, I will tell you exactly what we are going to look back on this and deny deny deny. 

Firstly, Glittery Vampires. They will not catch on. When our kids ask about that we are going to laugh. There will never be a question about what happens to vampires in sunlight. They. Burst. Into. Flames. We all know this as a normal part of the mythology. You will never catch me saying to my kids "You know what... Back in my day they did the Vampires right. They wouldn't burst into gory flames like today oh no... They sparkled like broadway on the fourth of July! Now those were the days!" Nope. Never going to say that. 

Next, when you pick a team, you would hope for the side that will win. During the Twilight: New Moon opening and up to the next movie, there was a phenomenon that we all know about now as being shun worthy. I'm talking about the "Team Edward" and the "Team Jacob." Apparently, Bella was supposed to choose one or the other to fall in love with and annoy the hell out of that guy and not the other. This would be fine and dandy if you know the next book hadn't already been out and told who won. It's like watching a rerun on a browns game and betting money they would win. 

Spoiler Alert! He loses.

We should just realize that this is one of those fads that we will look back on and grin and smile. Anyone who was part of this fad will probably not be very interested in pulling out their old Edward Cullen key chains and their Bella "I just crapped my pants face" lunch boxes. So maybe we should just be happy that one day, it will be over and we can go back to obsessing over Harry Potter 24/7.